A little gratitude

Because I feel like I do nothing but whine and complain here, I thought I'd share a few things I'm grateful for.  I hate feeling like Debbie Downer.  Wah waahhhh.  

I'll spare you all the lovey-dovey mushy stuff and the obvious, like my amazingly tolerant and patient husband and the coolest kid on the planet, my family, and our off-kilter sense of humor.  

1.  Losing a whole other person.  I've lost DOUBLE what my child weighs.  I'm 126 pounds down now and it feels fantastic.  I am so grateful that I had the opportunity to have gastric bypass, that I was healthy enough to have it, and that I've had NO complications after surgery.  

2.  Self-awareness and my ED treatment program.  They were so kind, it was so supportive, and beyond eye-opening.  Six weeks was nowhere near enough and I honestly could have stayed there indefinitely to work on myself.  I am so much more aware now, in every respect.  Aware of how I was/am hurting myself, aware of WHY I was/am hurting myself, and aware of what I can DO about it.  I am so much more mindful now:  of my eating, of my choices, of the "rules" I impose upon myself, of my feelings, of my actions, of my inaction.  

3.  My surgeon's office.  They are so amazing.  When I felt like I was in trouble for opening up about the ED and what I was doing to myself, they didn't react at all the way I had imagined they would.  Instead, they were kind, treated me with respect, and made sure I knew that they were on my side and would help me through it.  

4.  Knee-high boots!  I was FINALLY able to buy a pair and I am so proud.  I want to wear them all the time, just because I CAN!

5.  Flirting!  Waiting tables has given my some of my mojo back and I feel pretty good again, especially when cute young boys are flirting.  LOVE IT.  I still feel like anyone staring is staring at the 330 pound me, like I'm some sort of freak, but I'm working on thinking that they're possibly thinking, "That chick is hot!"  At least I hope that's what they're thinking!   

I promise to try to do this a little more often and keep the whining and bitching to more of a minimum.  Most of the time, lol.  

For those rainy days...

Because I've had more than a few "rainy days" lately, I thought I'd share one of the writing exercises from treatment that's meant to be reread in times when you're not feeling well and are struggling to cope. It's a letter offering support and guidance from your strong, calm, and wise self to your vulnerable, lonely, hurting self.  

Things to include in your own "note to self": what helps you feel better at particularly difficult times, what has helped you keep on keepin' on in the past, guidance on what to do and what distraction techniques you can use, advice on what NOT to do, and reminders of your personal strengths and resources. Be compassionate, caring, supportive, understanding, and encouraging. Your vulnerable self needs your love!